T2+Narritive

T2 Narrative Writing

__Tuesday 28 June__

**Comment: Well Rose, this is pretty tricky to comment on, I never want to walk up stairs ever again! or meet up with any fix it men! You have completely scared the pants off me, I guess you have targeted your audience well!**

**(Level 4 - Working towards Level 5)** **Next Steps - Target** **Be more consistent with the selection and use of precise verbs for impact to describe actions, events and to capture thoughts and feelings.** **Use complex punctuation accurately throughout entire piece of writing.**

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across them, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cello tape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cello tape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it! I am too. It's gotta be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said smiling creepily and flashing his teeth. Not that many teeth actually, it looked like most of them had rotted and fallen out, and the ones that were left were all chipped and brown. “Hi” I replied. He kept smiling his creepy smile. “I’m Trevor.” I nodded, trying not to encourage him too much to keep talking and not seem rude at the same time, but he couldn’t take the hint, I really didn’t want to talk to him. “What’s your name?” I thought about telling him my name was something like Gurtrude, maybe that would scare him off. I could possibly even act creepy. A long narrow hallway where the first floor apartments were caught my eye as we reached the top of the first flight of stairs. “I’m Elle.” I said telling the truth, we only had 26 floors to go. How bad could it be?

Very bad. After walking up seven more floors with him he kept jabbering on and on asking me questions constantly, where are you from? Why are you here? Do you like the snow? All sorts of weird stuff. Trying to stop him from finding out more about me I asked him what he liked to do. “I like cooking,” He began. “It feels like magic to me, preparing food, bringing a knife down on a big juicy steak. The way that the blade cuts it clean off with one small stroke leaving the glinting silver dripping in blood.” Staring at him shocked, I took a step away from him. Him being quiet well spoken for a scary elevator repair man didn’t stop me from being tempted to sprint the rest of the 18 and a half floors. Trevor’s expression changed for the first time since we started walking up the stairs, it was no longer a creepy smile, but now was a strange sort of grimacey type thing. Somewhere between a look of being in pain and excitement. “Then I cook the steak, not too much though I still like to feel the animal in the food, so that when you stab it with a fork all the blood drains onto the plate. Or picking the meat up in your hands so that it leaves red stains on them. And ripping the meat with your teeth straight out of your hands so that you end up chewing massive chunks.” I could feel my body trembling as I kept listening to him. My heart thumped hard against my chest, feeling like it could burst out at any moment. I bet he would love seeing my chest rip open and all the insides spill out all over the stairs. Plans of how I could get away from him started to run through my head, I could stop at the next floor and pretend that I was going there. Then I remembered I already told him where I was going. Maybe I could go back down and pretend I forgot something. Dizziness overtook my mind. My head ached trying to figure out what I was going to do and stay upright at the same time. Suddenly everything around me started looking scary and weapon-like, the heating systems high up on the walls, the lights, everything. I tried to tell myself that I was just being silly. What was so worrying about a weird repair man that likes cutting food and finding personal information about strangers? There were a lot of weird people in the world, I couldn’t just freak out every time I saw one. Pulling myself together I looked up at him. His beady black eyes were gleaming. This made my stomach turn, forgetting everything I had just been trying to tell myself, something was definitely not right about the look in his eyes. “I left something important at home” I mumbled turning around, ready to walk back down the stairs. Trevor’s beady eyes met mine. “What did you leave at home?” He demanded. I took a while to respond, trying to think of something that wouldn’t contradict what I already told him. “What did you leave at home Elle?” He repeated, raising his voice a little this time. “A gift for my friend” I gabbled. “It would be rude to show up without it.” “It’s not Jessica’s birthday Elle, your just visiting her for the fun of it.” I stayed silent, not knowing what to do, I couldn’t believe that he actually remembered my friend’s name and why I was there. He started to back me towards the wall. “It’s not her birthday Elle.” He said again, more quietly this time, but much more scarily. By this time he was standing quite close to me, his head right above mine. “You don’t need to go home do you? DO YOU ELLE?” I shrunk further back into the wall to avoid him. “That’s what I thought,” He said, obviously taking my silence as a no. “You obviously don’t want to walk up the stairs. Don’t worry, you won’t have to.” Making sure I couldn’t run back down the stairs he moved closer to me and opened his tool box, pulling out a glinting silver knife. I was pretty sure I was going to end up like his steak. Even though he had made no move towards me yet, I tried to escape. I was too slow and weak. He flicked his knife towards me, deeply cutting along my arm. I tried to block the pain out of my mind and get away from him. It was no use. Lunging at me with the knife again, this time it plunged deep into my chest. Collapsing onto the ground I lay on the stairs trying to scream. It was no use. Trevor was ripping a piece of fabric off his shirt and shoving it in my mouth. I tried to kick my legs at him, however I was no longer in control of them. My vision blurred and my brain dimmed as I felt blood pouring out of me. “You’re the tenth.” I heard Trevor say. The tenth what? I couldn’t handle thinking about it. The dimness in my mind took over as I blacked out completely, forever.

__Monday 27 June__

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across them, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cellotape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cellotape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it! I am too. It's gotta be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said smiling creepily and flashing his teeth. Not that many teeth actually, it looked like most of them had rotted and fallen out, and the ones that were left were all chipped and brown. “Hi” I replied. He kept smiling his creepy smile. “I’m Trevor.” I nodded, trying not to encourage him too much to keep talking and not seem rude at the same time, but he couldn’t take the hint, I really didn’t want to talk to him. “What’s your name?” I thought about telling him my name was something like Gurtrude, maybe that would scare him off. I could possibly even act as creepy as him. A long narrow hallway where the first floor apartments were caught my eye as we reached the top of the first flight of stairs. “I’m Elle.” I said telling the truth, we only had 26 floors to go. How bad could it be?

Very bad. After walking up seven more floors with him he kept jabbering on and on asking me questions constantly, where are you from? Why are you here? Do you like the snow? All sorts of weird stuff. Trying to stop him from finding out more about me I asked him what he liked to do. “I like cooking,” He began. “It feels like magic to me, preparing food, bringing a knife down on a big juicy steak. The way that the blade cuts it clean off with one small stroke leaving the glinting silver dripping in blood.” Staring at him shocked, I took a step away from him. Him being quiet well spoken for a scary elevator repair man didn’t stop me from being tempted to sprint the rest of the 18 and a half floors. Trevor’s expression changed for the first time since we started walking up the stairs, it was no longer a creepy smile, but now was a strange sort of grimacey type thing. Somewhere between a look of being in pain and excitement. “Then I cook the steak, not too much though I still like to feel the animal in the food, so that when you stab it with a fork all the blood drains onto the plate. Or picking the meat up in your hands so that it leaves red stains on them. And ripping the meat with your teeth straight out of your hands so that you end up chewing massive chunks.” I could feel my body trembling as I kept listening to him. My heart thumped hard against my chest, feeling like it could burst out at any moment. I bet he would love seeing my chest rip open and all the insides spill out all over the stairs. Plans of how I could get away from him started to run through my head, I could stop at the next floor and pretend that I was going there. Then I remembered I already told him where I was going. Maybe I could go back down and pretend I forgot something. Dizziness overtook my mind. My head ached trying to figure out what I was going to do and stay upright at the same time. Suddenly everything around me started looking scary and weapon-like, the heating systems high up on the walls, the lights, everything. I tried to tell myself that I was just being silly. What was so worrying about a weird repair man that likes cutting food and finding personal information about strangers? There were a lot of weird people in the world, I couldn’t just freak out every time I saw one. Pulling myself together I looked up at him. His beady black eyes were gleaming. This made my stomach turn, forgetting everything I had just been trying to tell myself, something was definitely not right about the look in his eyes. “I left something important at home” I mumbled turning around, ready to walk back down the stairs. Trevor’s beady eyes met mine. “What did you leave at home?” He demanded. I took a while to respond, trying to think of something that wouldn’t contradict what I already told him. “What did you leave at home Elle?” He repeated, raising his voice a little this time. “A gift for my friend” I gabbled. “It would be rude to show up without it.” “It’s not Jessica’s birthday Elle, your just visiting her for the fun of it.” I stayed silent, not knowing what to do, I couldn’t believe that he actually remembered my friend’s name and why I was there. He started to back me towards the wall. “It’s not her birthday Elle.” He said again, more quietly this time, but much more scarily. By this time he was standing quite close to me, his head right above mine. “You don’t need to go home do you? DO YOU ELLE?” I shrunk further back into the wall to avoid him. “That’s what I thought,” He said, obviously taking my silence as a no. “You obviously don’t want to walk up the stairs. Don’t worry, you won’t have to.” Making sure I couldn’t run back down the stairs he moved closer to me and opened his tool box, pulling out a glinting silver knife. I was pretty sure I was going to end up like his steak. Even though he had made no move towards me yet, I tried to escape. I was too slow and weak. He flicked his knife towards me, cutting along my arm. The cut felt deep and painful but I tried to block the pain out of my mind and get away from him. It was no use. lunged at me with the knife again this time getting me in the chest. Collapsing onto the ground I lay on the stairs trying to scream. It was no use. Trevor was ripping a piece of fabric off his shirt and shoving it in my mouth. My vision blurred, but I could feel something

__Monday 27 June__

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across them, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cellotape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cellotape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it! I am too. It's gotta be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said smiling creepily and flashing his teeth. Not that many teeth actually, it looked like most of them had rotted and fallen out, and the ones that were left were all chipped and brown. “Hi” I replied. He kept smiling his creepy smile. “I’m Trevor.” I nodded, trying not to encourage him too much to keep talking and not seem rude at the same time, but he couldn’t take the hint, I really didn’t want to talk to him. “What’s your name?” I thought about telling him my name was something like Gurtrude, maybe that would scare him off. I could possibly even act as creepy as him. A long narrow hallway where the first floor apartments were caught my eye as we reached the top of the first flight of stairs. “I’m Elle.” I said telling the truth, we only had 26 floors to go. How bad could it be?

Very bad. After walking up seven more floors with him he kept jabbering on and on asking me questions constantly, where are you from? Why are you here? Do you like the snow? All sorts of weird stuff. Trying to stop him from finding out more about me I asked him what he liked to do. “I like cooking,” He began. “It feels like magic to me, preparing food, bringing a knife down on a big juicy steak. The way that the blade cuts it clean off with one small stroke leaving the glinting silver dripping in blood.” Staring at him shocked, I took a step away from him. Him being quiet well spoken for a scary elevator repair man didn’t stop me from being tempted to sprint the rest of the 18 and a half floors. Trevor’s expression changed for the first time since we started walking up the stairs, it was no longer a creepy smile, but now was a strange sort of grimacey type thing. Somewhere between a look of being in pain and excitement. “Then I cook the steak, not too much though I still like to feel the animal in the food, so that when you stab it with a fork all the blood drains onto the plate. Or picking the meat up in your hands so that it leaves red stains on them. And ripping the meat with your teeth straight out of your hands so that you end up chewing massive chunks.” I could feel my body trembling as I kept listening to him. My heart thumped hard against my chest, feeling like it could burst out at any moment. I bet he would love seeing my chest rip open and all the insides spill out all over the stairs. Plans of how I could get away from him started to run through my head, I could stop at the next floor and pretend that I was going there. Then I remembered I already told him where I was going. Maybe I could go back down and pretend I forgot something. Dizziness overtook my mind. My head ached trying to figure out what I was going to do and stay upright at the same time. Suddenly everything around me started looking scary and weapon-like, the heating systems high up on the walls, the lights, everything. I tried to tell myself that I was just being silly. What was so worrying about a weird repair man that likes cutting food and finding personal information about strangers? There were a lot of weird people in the world, I couldn’t just freak out every time I saw one.

__Friday 24 June__

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across the overalls, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cellotape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cellotape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it! I am too. It's gotta be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying to him. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said smiling creepily and flashing his teeth. Not that many teeth actually, it looked like most of them had rotted and fallen out, and the ones that were left were all chipped and brown. “Hi” I replied. He kept smiling his creepy smile. “I’m Trevor.” I nodded, trying not to encourage him too much to keep talking and not seem rude at the same time, but he couldn’t take the hint, I really didn’t want to talk to him. “What’s your name?” I thought about telling him my name was something like murgitroid, maybe that would scare him off. I could possibly even act as creepy as him. A long narrow hallway where the first floor apartments were caught my eye as we reached the top of the first flight of stairs. “I’m Elle.” I said telling the truth, we only had 26 floors to go. How bad could it be?

The answer is very bad. He jabbered on and on asking me questions constantly, where are you from? Why are you here? Do you like the snow? All sorts of weird stuff. Trying to stop him from finding out more about me I asked him what he liked to do. Another big mistake. “I like cooking,” He began. “It feels like magic to me, preparing food, bringing a knife down on a big juicy steak. The way that the blade cuts it clean off with one small stroke leaving the glinting silver knife dripping in blood.” Staring at him shockedly I took a step away from him. Him being quite well spoken for a scary elevator repair man didn’t stop me from being tempted to sprint the rest of the 25 and a half floors.

__Thursday 23 June__

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across the overalls, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cellotape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cellotape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it! I am too. It's gotta be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying to him. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said smiling creepily and flashing his teeth. Not that many teeth actually, it looked like most of them had rotted and fallen out, and the ones that were left were all chipped and brown. “Hi” I replied. He kept smiling his creepy smile. “I’m Trevor.” I nodded, trying not to encourage him too much to keep talking and not seem rude at the same time, but he couldn’t take the hint, I really didn’t want to talk to him. “What’s your name?” I thought about telling him my name was something like murgitroid, maybe that would scare him off. I could possibly even act as creepy as him. We reached the top of the first flight of stairs and a hallway where the first floor apartments were. “I’m Elle.” I said telling the truth, we only had 26 floors to go. How bad could it be?

The answer is very bad. We walked up six more floors and this guy got scarier and scarier. He told me that he

__Thursday 23 June 2011__

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across the overalls, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cellotape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cellotape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it! I am too. It's gotta be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying to him. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said smiling creepily

__Wednesday 22 June__

**Comment: Oh, is this a horror story? it seems a little creepy for me :+) You have excellent description, I'm sure I could draw the construction worker or pick him out of a crowd if I needed to.** **Next Steps - Target**  **Be careful with speech, new paragraphs often let us know who is speaking. You do not always need to explain, make sure the characters are using dialogue that suits their personality.**

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard. His work overalls were not much better, holes were spread across the overalls, so was paint, oil and what looked like half his breakfast. He walked over to the elevator before I could get there and pulled a piece of paper out, some cellotape and a pen out of his tool box. ‘Out of order’ He scrawled on the piece of paper, his writing as untidy as his appearance. Sticking some cellotape to the paper he then stuck it to the elevator door. “Your gonna have to walk up” He told me, spotting me staring. “Damn it, I am to. It has to be fixed from the top floor.” Turning around I walked towards the stairs, not replying to him. I thought elevators were bad, 27 flights of stairs would definitely be worse. The sound of tools clattering crept up behind me, the man caught up. Attempting to avoid a long trip up the stairs with a grubby construction worker I quickened my speed. Unfortunately he did the same. He caught up to me, I couldn’t pretend anymore that I hadn’t seen him. “Hello” He said to me smiling creepily

__Tuesday 21 June__

Walking through the door, I felt the heat touch my face, leaving the cold snow trapped outside. The bright lights of the building took me by surprise, seeing as I had just come out of the dark winter weather. Pulling a piece of paper out of my coat pocket I looked at the address written on it. Floor 27. Why did I have to have a friend who lived on the top floor? I hate elevators. Something brushed on my arm as I walked towards the elevator, it was a man dressed in construction gear. He had a scraggly haircut that looked like a cross between the fur of a dirty stray dog and a bush in an unused backyard.

__Friday 10 June__

Wildness sparks from Imagination’s finger tips. Her shiny mismatched socks and vibrant yellow top hat grabs the attention of the public. Neighbors of Imagination are concerned by the smells and sounds drifting from the house, with something new and crazy happening everyday. Creativity and beauty are often looming in the living room of her house

__Thursday 9 June__

I edited a few mistakes in the story.